


HOMOcidal Volleyball Nerds

by GreenAppleSause



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: General insanity, I think I'll continue it, Inspired By Tumblr, Mentions of Murder, Multi, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6251887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenAppleSause/pseuds/GreenAppleSause
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE</p><p>Inspired by a blog of the same name.</p><p>Karasuno is a normal school... Or as normal as ‘normal’ gets. After all, it’s practically impossible to find any high school without some form of illegal activity.</p><p>But this school, they are much worse.<br/>They aren't crows for nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HOMOcidal Volleyball Nerds

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this...
> 
> This is expanded from the beautiful blog http://homocidalvolleyballnerds.tumblr.com/ so all credit for the idea from the admins on there.
> 
> Thanks to my darling beta, Izzie. You made my life easier.

Police sirens blared in the distance, steadily getting louder as Kageyama walked towards Karasuno. He turned towards the noise, noticing Hinata sprinting towards him.

‘Is that the police?’ Kageyama muttered to himself, watching the red haired boy slowly close in.

‘They fucking found us!’ Hinata screamed as he ran. ‘Everyman for himself! Run for it!’

‘What?’ Kageyama asked, confused. They never got caught.

Hinata noticed the boy’s confusion and followed up with: ‘Suga fucked up! You’re on your own if the cops catch you!’

Kageyama stood stunned. The Karasuno volleyball club had never been caught and Sugawara never messed up... well, except for the first three principals and that one bank heist, but other than that, never.

‘I’ll visit you in prison! Maybe! Probably not!’ and with that, Hinata was out of sight.

\---

None of this makes sense, right?

You probably came here for something completely different from what you’ve gotten so far... Well, let me tell you a thing or two.  
Karasuno is a normal school... Or as normal as ‘normal’ gets. After all, it’s practically impossible to find any high school without some form of illegal activity.

For Karasuno, it’s the boys’ volleyball club: the almost perfect group of hit men with ten members in total, plus two managers and two adults. Only one of these adults knows what’s going on.

Anyone outside the team would think the team captain, Sawamura Daichi, would be in charge. To a certain degree this is true, but only when it comes to their cover of a volleyball team. Everything else is organised by Sugawara Koushi.

Sugawara, ‘Suga’ or ‘Suga Mama’, looks like an extremely innocent person, but is a diehard Satanist and holds the highest official Kill Count at four thousand, eight hundred and fifteen (4815) known murders. I say “official” because Daichi’s Kill Count is actually unknown.

He tends to take care of his “chicklets”, better known as the under aged players on the team, and Daichi rather well. Tends is the keyword there. There used to be around twenty-six (26) “chicklets”, but the number decreased rather drastically. When Sugawara was asked about the incident, he replied with; ‘Long story short: they told some tales and witness protection program can’t stop an angry mamma.’

The two lowest official Kill Counts in Karasuno belong to Azumane Asahi and Tsukishima Kei, with zero (0) and two (2) respectively. It is unknown how the two of them got involved in the first place. Asahi was most likely brought in by Daichi and Tsukishima by Karasuno’s murderous prodigy. As for Daichi being overall involved, he was most likely brought in by long-time partner, Sugawara.

Out of Karasuno’s murderous prodigy, Sugawara’s favourite “chicklet” is Yamaguchi Tadashi with a Kill Count of three thousand and sixty-three (3063). He, like Sugawara, has an innocent face. However, unlike his leader, Yamaguchi is trilingual.

Tsukishima, or Tsukki as he’s known by Yamaguchi, has said on multiple occasions that Yamaguchi had never killed, but it has been confirmed that he was just oblivious to his classmate’s activities.

Other first years on this so-called volleyball team include Hinata Shouyo and Kageyama Tobio who were mentioned in the previous scene, with one thousand, one hundred and six (1106) kills between them. Apparently they’re having a competition in who can kill the most people before they graduate.

There are also the second years’ Kill Counts: nine hundred and fifty (950) Nishinoya Yuu, eight hundred and thirty-four (834) Tanaka Ryuunosuke, and one thousand, three hundred and eighty-two (1382) Ennoshita Chikara. These are the only second years on the team still alive.

The two managers, both have unknown Kill Counts, Shimizu Kiyoko and Yachi Hitoka. Shimizu being a drug dealer has been teaching Yachi the ins and outs of managing Karasuno’s underground, so to speak.

The adults include Takeda Ittetsu, the faculty adviser who knows how to manipulate the law so the team doesn’t get caught... most of the time. The other is Ukai Keishin, who is completely oblivious to the team’s true activities and continues to coach them in volleyball.

Ukai’s grandfather, Uaki Ikkei, is very well aware of what is happening, but as he was hospitalised by Sugawara when he said he was going to tell his grandson, he has yet to say anything to Keishin.

In telling you all this, do not think that Karasuno is the only school like this. Oh no, they have quite a few rivals. Their largest competitor, Nekoma High School in Tokyo. Alternative for below:

[The team has a massive overall Kill Count of twelve thousand, six hundred and seventy-four (12,674).  
Nekoma’s known Kill Counts are from Fukunaga Shouhei at four thousand, three hundred and thirty-nine (4339), YakuMorisuke at three thousand, six hundred and fifty-nine (3659), Kenma Kozume at two thousand, eight hundred and seventy-four (2874), Inuoka Sou at eight hundred and fifty-thee (853), Kuroo Tetsurou at six hundred and ninety-three (693), Yamamoto Taketora at two hundred and forty-one (241) and Kai Nobuyuki at one hundred and thirty-two (132).]

Another school that deals with the underground and is rivalling Karasuno is Aoba Josai. Although their Kill Count is currently lacking, income wise Aoba Josai is thriving. Shimizu, the drug dealer of Karasuno does earn more on average and not because of the quality. Guys just pay to see boobs.

Another school in the prefecture that does deals in Shitarozawa – the deal in arms, not drugs. Shitarozawa volleyball makes most of its money through the gang wars between Karasuno and Nekoma, but they also lose a lot of people as they get caught in the cross fire or Sugawara and/or Yamaguchi gets word of them selling to Nekoma,

Other schools in the area aren’t even worth mentioning. Why? Because they just do have a big enough presence. They aren’t ruthless killers or mobsters, druggies or arms dealers. Most people from other schools are just that, people. They aren’t part of a club that go a long with their antics, they just do it alone. Lone wolves, or a lone owl, as one killer is known as.

As for whom I am? It doesn’t particularly matter as I’m not important. I just know what happens and have become your humble narrator.


End file.
